I know what to do, how to do, when to do, why to do. I know how not to talk to you for years, I know how to hate your guts, I know how to make fun of you, I know how not to trust you, I know how to move on. The only knowledge I lack is to know how to Not Love you. No, I don’t know any of it. Nor do I want to. I don’t know how to keep myself from staring at your bright star like eyes, when I know that they’re the north star to this long lost ship. I don’t know how to keep myself from blushing after seeing your smile, when I know that that is the smile I would die for. I don’t know how to stop my heart from pounding at your touch, when I know that with each touch you pass on electricity to this frame of mine. I don’t know how to not let my heart fill with joys after hearing your voice, when I know you’re my favourite kind of music. I don’t know how to not be with you, when I know that you’re what Home feels like.
Not that I haven’t tried enough, not that I haven’t cried enough. Maybe, things neither happen as per our wish nor as per our will. You’re the one who keeps my demons from summoning me. So from this day on, I request you, don’t expect me to Not Love you. Cause darling, you are the love I loved the most, I lived the most.